The View From the Finish Line: What the Dying Can Teach Us About Living Well

Imagine you're given one quiet hour with someone who has lived a full life and knows they have only days left. You ask just one question: "What do you wish you had done differently?" Their answer might change the rest of your life.

The other day, a friend of mine and I were engaging in a heartfelt conversation, reminiscing and catching up on life as we often do. Our friendship has spanned a significant period, nearly three quarters of a century, which is quite remarkable when you think about it. We have shared countless experiences, from childhood adventures to the complexities of adulthood, and it’s always interesting to reflect on how our lives have evolved over the years.

During our discussion, I can't quite recall what prompted the shift in our conversation, but somehow we found ourselves delving into the profound topic of regrets. My friend shared a particularly striking insight he had come across in an article he read about the regrets of the dying. The article explored a range of sentiments expressed by individuals in their final moments, and it revealed a common and poignant theme: the majority of people, when reflecting on their lives from their deathbeds, tend to regret the things they didn’t do rather than the things they did.

This revelation struck a chord with me. It made me ponder the nature of regret itself and how it can shape our decisions throughout our lives. My friend elaborated on the article, discussing how many individuals expressed a longing for experiences they had shied away from—adventures they never embarked on, passions they never pursued, or relationships they never nurtured. The regrets often stemmed from a fear of failure, a desire to conform, or simply the passage of time that led them to prioritize obligations over personal fulfillment. The dying don't usually regret the life they couldn't have lived. They regret the life they chose not to live.

In her bestselling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, Bonnie Ware (a palliative care worker) discusses the recurring themes her patients expressed in the final three to twelve weeks of their lives.

The Top 5 Regrets:

• Live true to yourself: Choosing your own path instead of what others want.

• Work less: Missing family and childhood because of too much work.

• Express feelings: Hiding true emotions to keep peace with others.

• Keep in touch: Letting great friendships fade away.

• Let yourself be happier: Staying stuck in old habits and fake comfort

We both agreed that this insight serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of living a life true to oneself. It encourages us to take risks, to embrace opportunities, and to step outside our comfort zones. The idea that many people look back at their lives wishing they had taken more chances resonates deeply with both of us, prompting a discussion about our own aspirations and the dreams we still hold dear.

In reflecting on my own life, I recognized that while I have made choices that I might question, it is ultimately the unfulfilled dreams that linger in my mind. This conversation led me to consider what steps I could take to ensure that I do not find myself in a similar position later in life. It became clear that pursuing my passions, nurturing my relationships, and making the most of the present moment are essential components of a fulfilling life.

As we continued to share our thoughts, I felt a renewed sense of motivation to actively seek out new experiences and to cultivate the relationships that matter most to me. Our discussion sparked a desire to live more intentionally. After all, the reflection on regrets is not merely about acknowledging what we have missed; it is about inspiring action in the here and now, ensuring that we create a life filled with meaningful moments and cherished memories.

None of us knows how much time we have. But every one of us gets to decide what we'll regret. The best time to change that story isn't tomorrow. It's today.

Until next time—be happy, be healthy, be kind.

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